Did you over-do it over the festive period? Do you find yourself thinking about having a drink when you get home from work, or after you have collected the children from school, or even when you have dropped them off in the morning?
Alcohol dependency starts very subtly, It encourages us to deceive ourselves. We make jokes about drinking, we laugh at our antics when we are 'tipsy' 'sozzled' , We tell people about the well-earned hangover, Or do we? We often hide it, pretend all is well. Hide the bottles in the recycling bin from the neighbours, Pretend we only had one glass, when we are really wondering how we can get away with several more.... Or we start a bottle and just don't stop till the bottle is empty.
Why do we do it? There are many reasons that we tell ourselves - I deserve it, it relaxes me, I am celebrating, I enjoy it, because I can...
But these are the smoke screen from the real truth. For me it was being alone, even though I am surrounded by lovely children, and my friends would be happy for me to ring them for a chat.... And in the past when I was in a crowded pub with friends, it was to feel connected. As I got older, and lonelier, it was to rekindle that feeling of connection and memories of what seemed to be simpler happier times.
It is only thanks to the work I have done on myself, and Rapid Transformational Therapy, that I have been able to free myself from this addiction. I was not aiming at addressing my drinking patterns, but it was a consequence of understanding the deep root cause of my personal monsters. My feeling of disconnection and of not being worthy of love or being lovable, of not being good enough - all go right back to being separated from my birth mother at birth, and learning repeat disconnection through being separated from the foster carer, being adopted, then being sent to boarding school. I developed the paradox of having a tough exterior and super coping strengths with super sensitive reaction to any negative criticism or rejection. The alcohol intake in my 20's and 30's seemed to help lower my guard enough to let people in, while numbing my super-sensitive side of inevitable hurts. Now in my 40's I was drinking out of habit, and numbing the feelings of disconnection and being alone. But I am finally free of needing to do this. my awareness of what triggered the desire to drink, and finally feeling good enough and accepting myself as lovable has enabled me to stop, without feeling I am missing out, or any struggle! I am still work in progress - that is the fun of life, and am looking forward to making new friends and deeper connections with people in the coming year.
If any of my story resonates with you, I would love to hear from you. Tell me your story. Connect with me on the phone (01747 811682), email (firstname.lastname@example.org) or Facebook (@RTTwithBecky)
Wishing everyone freedom for the new year! xx :)