Does it have to be hard to change?

October 27, 2018

 

So you are feeling desperate to change, feel out of control with habits you can't break and feelings you can't shake. You’re stressed out over work and relationships that are being wrecked by drinking, spending, or other destructive habits.

 

You’re feeling frustrated, and stressed out as you want to stop drinking the whole bottle of wine in the evening, or want to stop eating all the snacks and chocolate in the house at once.   Or maybe you have maxed out your credit cards on stuff you don’t really need. Whatever you are compelled to do,  you wonder why you keep repeating the same patterns.

 

You’ve tried so many times to quit or stop the fixation, and may even have managed to stop for a while. But the habit comes back in a cycle that leaves you feeling guilty, ashamed, and helpless.  This is knocking your confidence, and spoiling relationships at home and even at work.  You’re feeling angry with yourself. The self help books fill the shelf, reminding you of failure. Your self esteem is at rock bottom.

 

So what is going on? Why is change so hard? Does it have to be?

 

The trouble is that the mind loves what is familiar. It is it's job to keep you alive, no matter what – and as we live longer more things that we learn to do become automatic, run by the part of your mind that you cannot control with conscious thoughts. In the same way you learn to read, letter by letter, word by word, then become fluent, you learn to feel certain things and think certain thoughts automatically responding to outside events.  The current event or situation in your life may trigger a memory of a past trauma or situation,; your subconscious finds a pattern and generates the same emotional response.  You act on your emotion, and continue repeating behaviours.  If you understand this, you can see that whatever you try, your habits will return to the old ways even if long term they harm you. The subconscious doesn't recognise past or future, just works in the NOW.  It is keeping you safe. When you try to change, you trigger anxiety, fear, and procrastination - sometimes leading to spiraling into more self-destruction to escape the emotional pain you are feeling. 

 

Your monkey mind tries to reason with you to not change, by thoughts that your problem isn't that bad, that tomorrow would be a better day to do this for all sorts of reasons that appear entirely reasonable. You feel weak, or tired or overwhelmed and decide to do what feels more comfortable. You buy into all those excuses that pop in your head as your mind is terrified to make such a big change.  Those excuses seem so sensible, and reasonable!  It maintains homeostasis – the norm that it is used to, including the toxic alcohol levels that you have been using over a long period of time.

 

This is why I love working with people on a subconscious level, as they have the ability to dialogue directly with 'command central' if you like, and inform it in a significant way that the change will actually be the better option than staying the same. 

 

They come out the other side, indifferent to drinking alcohol, and stop even thinking about it , as the reason for drinking is eradicated, smashed and erased. It isn't even relevant in their life any more. It becomes something that they used to do. They focus on much more important things in life, and celebrate life in a vibrant and positive way, repairing and regaining self esteem, relationships with family and friends.

 

If you are struggling to make changes in your life and can see this sort of sabotaging pattern, why not book a call with me, and see if I can help you!  Here is the link to my calendar : https://beckyboothappointments.as.me/RESOLVEdiscovery 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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