I used to be outgoing, and outspoken as a little girl. Quite bossy, no filter.
I was sent to boarding school (age 10) and felt deeply disconnected and alone from everyone. I was desperate to fit in, but didn’t know how to.
Then there was the English teacher who I feared. I always felt she picked on me. I always felt scared of her. I loved reading and was perfectly capable of understanding and doing the work. But I never got any praise. Children need praise! They deeply need to know they are good enough.
The worst thing was reciting poetry. We were made to stand in turn and recite the poem we had been set for the week. The fear and alarm I felt as it became nearer and nearer to my turn to stand! My heart beating so fast, feeling shaky as I stood up. I would completely forget everything apart from the first line.
“Oh, to be in England,
Now that April’s here...”
Complete blank. Going red, and noticing that everyone in the room is looking, the feeling of humiliation and shame. Wanting the floor to swallow me up.
These feelings were so strong, building up, week after week. My mind learnt that standing up to speak was the most dangerous thing I could ever do. To speak to a group of people, even family, was impossible to me. My mind just said “Nope, nope, nope! Not happening, every again! NO!” During nursing training, during my career where I had opportunities to teach or speak, I avoided it at all costs. It cost me my career in the end as Deputy Matron. I was unable to promote my business effectively selling my handmade bags, or selling motorcycle clothing when I owned a franchise. I was so scared that I would be judged or make a fool of myself somehow - but I wasn’t completely self aware that this was the issue, back then.
The great news is that we can overcome this. Our minds protect us from anything it perceives as painful or dangerous, so it believed that speaking up was totally out of the question. But awareness of where this issue came from, and changing perspective on it can free you. When you learn that you can communicate with your mind you can change a belief that isn’t valid and isn’t serving you. I have changed it. To say it is easy isn’t always true. It takes courage, and understanding of the impact of childhood impressions. But the satisfaction, the opportunities in life,and the self confidence you rediscover in yourself is beyond worth it. Because you are!
I joined a speaking group, I had to write a speech, and perform it in front of others. I told myself I was excited to do this. I practiced. I made it familiar. I also recently did some workshops, and absolutely loved doing them. My heart was pounding at the time, but because the people who attended really valued the content I shared, I absolutely know I can do them again. I have learnt to communicate with my mind, and also through RTT understood exactly where and why those fears came into my life. And knowing they aren’t valid, I let go of them.
If you are struggling and want help, with anything related to this, with anxiety, with feeling you've lost your sense of purpose or switched off your passion for life, you can book a call with me to see if I can help you. I will of course provide virtual coffee and cake so we can relax and find out how to move forward. https://beckyboothappointments.as.me/RESOLVEdiscovery is the link!
I am creating a new 3 month program and would love your help!
During the programme you will experience deep transformation, change your relationships feeling more deeply connected to those you love, move away from the sense of lack, and notice more abundance in your life, become skilled at setting and meeting goals that truly matter to you, rather than embrace what society deems important, resolve sabotaging behaviours including procrastination, rediscover the self confidence and self belief you were born with, and get back a true sense of living with joy and purpose... Have I missed anything? What is it you would like to resolve in your life? Apply, and let me know.
If you are interested in helping me fine tune this program, would like to work with me for 3 months (an hour - to 2 hours a week over video call) I would love to invite you in. Again, book on the link above, but mention New Program in the first answer of the questionnaire you receive when applying. It will be minimal cost to you in comparison to what it will be, as I need testers to be able to give testimonials about the program.