I used to beat myself up for not getting things done within a time frame I set for myself. I would get so frustrated that I would give up on a project. I would use such negative words about myself, and this would always sabotage my plans and intentions. I have started projects and given up on them, started groups and not kept present, started businesses and after fabulous start ups, the ups and downs that naturally occur were incredibly challenging to my perceived expectation of what success should look like.
The things I believed would always prove true - that I couldn’t gain the success I wanted, that I would always be average or even at the bottom. Beliefs such as these are self-perpetuating. But if you can see this pattern, you have a choice to change it.
You do not have to remain stuck within it as I once believed.
Once of my other difficulties used to be knowing when to ask for help. I grew up believing I had to manage to do everything alone, and that I was able to - and then if I failed, that was because I wasn’t good enough or didn’t deserve success or whatever it was I was aiming for. Somehow I formed the belief that asking for help was admitting weakness and was shameful. I think this came partly from my parent’s culture of keeping our vulnerabilities hidden, (“stiff upper lip, and all that”), and certain experiences I had as a child - being adopted, and being sent to boarding school at a young age.
I actually remember being in my cot at nap time when I was about 18 months old. My mother had put me there, and left me alone. I cried for what seemed like forever, then gave up. I can still feel that sense of being alone and separate, of feeling heartbroken. I made a significant decision at that time that affected everything - that I wasn’t important, that I was not good enough, and that I had to manage alone. I carried that belief right up through my life until recently. It has been part of who I am. But I now understand what that part of me was - a very young girl, and I nurture her every day, reminding that part of me that I am significant, that I matter, and that I am good enough just as I am.
How did I gain that understanding? Through a session of Rapid Transformational Therapy. I was resolving my issues of lack of confidence in speaking. This was one of the scenes that came up during the regression to the root cause... My voice was ignored and this made me form subconscious beliefs about how the world works and about where I fit in. But these beliefs were formed at such a young age, that they were absolutely not relevant to me as an adult.
Being guided through this, and helping me separate from this belief has brought a huge change in how I am, and what I believe in myself and in the world. Letting go of that part of me - part of my identity for so long has been a choice. It didn’t feel like that before - it felt that I would always be like that. During the ebbs in energy I acknowledge that I need help, that some things can wait and some things may need to be managed by others - whether it is admin tasks in my business, or household chores. Releasing them to someone else allows me to focus on things that I am talented at, that give me purpose, and allow me time to serve others, and have an impact on people's lives, even when energy is low. Letting go of ‘control’ is actually far more liberating that trying to do it all! After all, we don’t really have control in anything but how we perceive things - our thoughts.
What I notice now is that my physical and mental energy flow to a rhythm - a natural rhythm that all women experience. When I was employed, this would affect my work and also my self esteem. In the past I would allow it to give meaning related to those old beliefs. But now I understand that it is so much better to go with it. Utilizing the surge in energy to be creative, to be present in the moment, and to experience immense joy, yet allow the dip or ‘crash’ that I feel afterwards to be time for self reflection, for nurturing me and taking time out is far more beneficial. Knowing that I deserve that time, that the low ebb of energy benefits me, is a complete shift in perspective to the old pattern of self sabotaging thoughts and behaviours that I used to engage in.
Do you experience this frustration in yourself? Do you get stuck in sabotaging thoughts when your energy is low, when you are feeling run down? Do you turn to habits of behaviour that are unhealthy, that just confirm beliefs that you will stay the same? They aren’t true! I would love to help you through this - we aren’t meant to do it alone, but to enjoy connections and heal past hurts, transform and grow together.
Book an informal 20 minute call with me to make a connection and find out more about each other here: https://beckyboothappointments.as.me/virtualcoffee