(Do you complain about lacking, cost, and not having things, or do you celebrate all that you have?)
Since I left school and had to fend for myself as an ‘adult’ I struggled with money. I always spent everything just scraping through til the next payday. I never really learnt how to save even though my parents were cautious with money and so in a way I should have been able to be sensible like them…. But I was a bit of a rebel, so perhaps it was my rebellious part thinking that was boring, and there were so many things I thought I wanted, or felt I deserved. But under it all was a sense that I was lacking something. And buying stuff or putting big things like holidays on a credit card made me feel like I was someone. When I started to earn more, I just spent more. Always maxing out the credit cards, and emptying out the bank account. Alan Carr compares over-spending to addiction, and in many ways it is a very good comparison. The root causes are slightly different but the belief that you lack something and want to fill up with external things is a big part of the problem.
If you follow the Law of Attraction, then other beliefs also play a large part. My beliefs have include there isn’t enough money, and I find myself lacking (belief that I’m not good enough), things always break, often in 3’s, everything is so expensive, and that unexpected bills always come when I am already at my limit already. And of course when you focus on this lack, these things come to your attention frequently, strengthening these beliefs.
This is a money example, but you can see it in a relationship perspective too. For example you have a job where you care for others. You really enjoy this job, but you don’t feel you get much appreciation back from your boss, or the amount you are paid, and you work anti-social hours. You spend a lot of time giving to others but don’t receive much care back. You may be in a relationship, but you again give what you feel is a lot, but don’t get enough back - and when you do on special occasions you resent the times you don’t get attention or find it hard to accept lots of attention. You feel drained and empty - lacking. You feel resentment for others who seem to have more, or better relationships. You may blame others for your situation, but that is a whole separate story!
This feeling of lack can translate into so many areas of our lives - lack of accomplishment, lack of health, lack of physical attractive attributes, lack of charisma, lack of wit, lack of talent. In comes envy, resentment, jealousy, competitiveness, perfectionism, consuming, spending and unhealthy desire. You become closed. And you receive less!
What happens when you switch it round? When you know you are enough, you aren't the external things, your bank balance, your house, your relationships, or your size and weight; and this world is hugely abundant, then you spend less on junk! You eat less, you complain less, you open up and you love more. When you change your beliefs from lack to abundance, you notice how much you already have. And you notice healthy opportunities to give and receive more.
I found a huge benefit in writing a gratitude list every day, and it made me really notice all the good things. I also made a note of all things that I received - paid for or free. It made me hugely aware - from the smiles from the lady at the checkout, to hugs from my children, helpful and supportive comments from friends, birdsong and rain. Writing it down and revisiting the feelings that you had at the time seem to affect you view on the world.
Changing long held beliefs is the other thing to tackle, and of course I would recommend you have help with that, but knowing how I was before I did the work, I would be saying to myself, “Becky, I don’t have the money, I can’t afford…” I know. I was there. So journal out all the negative beliefs you hold about money or whatever it is you feel lack in. All the things that people and life taught you when you were little. Question if they are actually continuing to be true, or whether it was just something that happened back then, that had a big impression on your young mind. If you saw your parents struggle with money, and felt their pain, you may be echoing their way of being around money too. Or you may be terrified of losing it, and try and hold on to it at any cost. This increases the sense of lack… Increasing your awareness of false beliefs and stories helps you recognise what is going on. Feel the feelings in your chest or wherever they are, when you think of money situations so you can question where the feeling is coming from. Is it a memory of something past, or is it valid? Allow the feeling through and acknowledge it so it can leave, and you can act more clearly.
I haven’t even got to self sabotage! Some of us have a very deep feeling we aren’t deserving, and somehow sabotage what we receive, or what we have. Often we don’t realize we are even doing it, but blow it on stuff that doesn’t last making all sorts of excuses for our behaviour. Self sabotage is again about not believing you are deserving or good enough. The pain you get from it is actually something to remind you that you have a deep pain that you need to work through and stop ignoring it. I would love to help you with that! It is so wonderful to work through the heavy stuff and finally be able to leave it in the past so you can live with more peace, knowing and believing in yourself again as good enough.
So much of what we spend our money on is to take us away from what is right in front of us. What if we could just look at what we are now, where we are now, and love it as it is? Be truly present now, and abandon the insecurities that we have given ourselves over the years, that are like blankets that don’t truly warm us. Being at peace with who you are and where you are is the first step.
I really wanted to move house at the beginning of the year. It was cold and wet outside. I have 4 children and we share one bathroom with the only toilet. The kids bedrooms are quite ‘cosy’. The house is a bit shabby and needs repairs which the landlady is slow to get done. And I felt disconnected from friends and wanted to be closer to town so that if I forgot to buy the milk, I could easily just walk out and get some…. We don’t have a village shop, and we got snowed in for 3 days which is fairly normal. Can you feel my sense of lack? But since then I have changed my mind. Where we live is idilic, in a beautiful 250 year old cottage. You don’t hear constant traffic, just owls at night and birds in the day. The neighbours are friendly enough, and my friends love to come over to visit - I just have to invite them! We can manage with the bathroom situation because we are used to it, and it is normal for us. I have bought fresh paint for the front door, after checking with the landlady. You see how it is just about perspective.
What is your perspective? Would you like help changing it? Book a call with me so we can chat about this! Here's the link to my calendar: https://beckyboothappointments.as.me/virtualcoffee