Overwhelm - "Could do better"

June 23, 2019

 

Shame and self-judgement led to overwhelm.

 

We work so hard, trying to achieve something, perhaps more money, better relationships, being the best parent, meeting your kids needs, friends needs, creating a happy clean lovely home, being the best at what you do, being a good neighbour, being a good friend to everyone, and the list goes on…

 

At some point we get sick.  We pick up the bugs the children have, or we develop migraines, feel exhausted, and start looking at the future, when perhaps we don’t have to do the school run anymore, or we feel more loved by friends and family, or we have a wonderful loving romantic relationship, and don’t feel we have to chase these things anymore.

 

I had a recent wake up call, myself.  I was feeling ill, catching a cold or cough from one of the kids.  My understanding about physical issues being a sign that emotional issues aren’t being dealt with properly made me look at that. This was the second time my chest had been affected with infection.  It was very painful when I coughed. The physical manifestation had two linked meanings for me. Overwhelm and suppressed emotions.

 

So I had an RTT session to quickly dig up the subconscious beliefs that were leading me to overwhelm.  What came up was fascinating for me. I went back to the time when I separated from my husband, and had to move out of army quarters.  There was a lady helping me get rehoused through applying to the council, and she was offering support as a victim of domestic abuse. My circumstances were horrible.  I had no money, 3 children under 7, and expecting my 4th. I had no support from friends and family who were too far away. The lady had brought us a food bank parcel.  

 

My feelings were of deep shame, horror and shock.   

But this didn’t explain enough.  We looked at another area, all to do with the same issue, and my mind took me back to when I first moved in with a boyfriend in my 20s.  This was a significant event as I gave up freedom for commitment. With my life as it is now, I am grieving for that sense of freedom that I lost then.

 

But this wasn’t the whole thing either.

 

So we looked at another event about the same issue.  I went back to my school years, when I first started boarding school, and didn’t feel I fitted in, and felt very alone - taking on the belief that I always had to do everything alone.  And then the words popped into my head, of my mother reading my school report the words “Could do better.” This phrase had haunted me back then. I remember being utterly indignant that I had done my best, but the phrase was repeated more than once in my school reports.  It had remained in my subconscious. I had let those words in.

 

All my life I have believed I could do better… and repeated the cycle of doing my best and not quite making the grade - whatever that was.

 

Linking all this together has made sense to me.  I can see how I have been constantly doing things to make our lives better, to be a better mum, better therapist, better at being fit, healthy, creative, etc etc…   But I don’t need to do all that stuff.

 

Whenever people have asked me how I am, or what I have been up to, I have responded by saying how busy I have been.  

 

But that is changing.  I don’t have to ‘do’ self care, and you might find me just sitting around, playing with paints, or watching the clouds.


I know that I am enough on a new level.   I am rediscovering my freedom that I always had.  I never actually lost it, but had put myself in a cage of limiting beliefs! 

 

 

News this week: 

 I am reassessing how I work and have been updating my website to reflect that.  It is in a state of change at the moment, but I have now added my VIP program RESOLVE to my list of services.  It is all about raising self belief and self worth, while at the same time ditching self sabotage so you can truly live your life the way you want.    You get to work with me every week.

 

  It incorporates using creativity specifically to help release old stories without words, as well as giving you a sense of freedom that we don't easily tap into with words.     You can find out all about it here:  https://www.becky-booth.com/

 

If you are interested in working with me to find new confidence and let go of the past, and change how you are being, you can book a call with me here:

https://beckyboothappointments.as.me/virtualcoffee

 

 

 

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